Embracing Our Differences
In this blog post, I reflect on our third podcast about expressing our different beliefs. Exploring how we can develop tolerance through understanding.
Let’s be honest—expressing our beliefs today can feel like navigating a minefield. Take Eastin, for instance. She’s hesitant to share that she’s a Christian because she fears being judged or shunned. And I get that. As an agnostic, I often face the same resistance when I express my own beliefs. It’s like there’s this invisible barrier that goes up the moment you say something that doesn’t fit into someone else’s worldview.
But here’s the thing: It’s not just about religion. I’ve seen the same defensiveness crop up when I talk about ideas like collaboration, networking, or gift economies. Suddenly, it’s like I’ve crossed some invisible line, and people start seeing me as the enemy.
It’s as if the very act of thinking differently is some kind of threat.
Fear of Difference
The real problem here isn’t the differences themselves—it’s our fearful, resistant, defensive response to all the differences around us. We’ve been conditioned to see anything that doesn’t fit our neat little boxes as a threat, something to be resisted or avoided. But what if we flipped the script? What if we saw those differences as opportunities for growth, for learning, for connection?
Take a look around. We’ve seen the worst of this fear play out in real life, like the riots against immigrants in the UK. People were attacked, not because of anything they did, but simply because they were different. But, in the face of that darkness, we also saw something beautiful: communities coming together in love and solidarity, refusing to let fear and hate win. That’s where the real power lies—in love, in connection, in the willingness to embrace differences rather than run from them.
Listening
Eastin and I talked about how hard it is to express opposing views without coming across as forceful. It’s a tricky balance. But if we want to move forward, we need to start seeing communication as a tool for connection, not confrontation. We need to learn the art of pausing, of taking a breath before we respond, so we can engage with each other more thoughtfully.
And let’s not underestimate the power of a good question. Asking genuine questions—questions that come from a place of curiosity rather than judgement—can open up incredible pathways to understanding. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it means stepping into the unknown. But that’s where the magic happens. When we ask questions, we invite dialogue. We create a space where learning and growth are possible.
Asking Questions
I’ve always believed that questions are the gateway to understanding. But asking them can feel risky, especially when it means challenging long-held beliefs.
For me, beliefs are built on a foundation of knowledge and experience. So when I ask someone about their beliefs and they struggle to explain, I used to think I’d failed in asking the right question. But now I’m starting to see it differently. For some, belief isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about faith. It’s about that “I just know it” feeling, and there’s a different beauty and a different security in that.
But let’s be real: Asking questions can be intimidating. It can feel like you’re challenging someone’s entire worldview, and that’s not always easy to handle.
But it can be valuable.
Because when we ask questions, we’re not just seeking answers—we’re seeking connection. We’re trying to understand each other, and that’s something we desperately need more of in this world.
Finding Security
So where do we find our security? For Eastin, it’s in her faith. For me, it’s in knowing myself, in standing firm in my own beliefs. And this is where Rainer Maria Rilke’s words resonate so deeply for both of us: “Love consists in leaving the loved one space to be themselves, while providing the security within which that self may flourish.”
This idea is crucial because it’s not just about finding security for ourselves—it’s about creating it for others too. It’s about building a world where everyone feels safe enough to be themselves, where differences aren’t just tolerated but celebrated.
But let’s not pretend that absolute certainty is easy. If you’re constantly defending your beliefs, you’re not at peace. And that can be exhausting. Maybe the real trick is finding peace in the knowledge that others have the right to their beliefs, even if they’re different from ours. Maybe it’s about being secure enough in ourselves that we know others’ beliefs can’t change ours.
And maybe we can in part achieve this by remembering that our different beliefs existed peacefully together before they were spoken.
Freedom
Here’s something I firmly believe: People don’t need to be forced to create, innovate, or contribute. It’s in our nature to want to build, to grow, to make things better. The idea that we need to be driven by external pressures to produce is absurd. Give people the security, the space, and the tools they need, and they’ll naturally find ways to innovate.
And this applies to how we handle differences too. If we all felt secure—secure in ourselves, in our communities, in our beliefs—we’d be much better at handling differences without fear. We wouldn’t feel the need to defend our turf so fiercely if we knew that our beliefs weren’t under threat every time someone expressed a different opinion.
And the system we live within - how it works, how it is designed, how it influences us, has a huge part to play in maintaining this sense of security and freedom for all of us.
But here’s something I’ve been reflecting on: In pushing for tolerance and understanding, are we not also imposing our own beliefs on others? Are we not being just as intolerant by insisting on tolerance? It’s a paradox, but one we need to acknowledge. These differences existed long before we ever became aware of them. The world didn’t change just because we found out someone else believes something different. The only thing that changed was our awareness. So why do we act like the sky is falling every time we encounter a belief that doesn’t match our own?
Conclusion: Building a World Where Differences Unite Us
So, where do we go from here? How do we create a world where everyone feels secure enough to embrace difference without fear?
It starts with us. It starts with knowing ourselves, with finding our own security, so that we don’t need to tear others down to build ourselves up. It starts with asking the hard questions carefully, with receiving questions positively, with really listening, and with being open to the possibility that learning about others might change us too.
And here’s the real question: How do we make everyone secure enough so they aren’t scared of difference? Because that’s the heart of the matter, isn’t it? If we can crack that code, maybe—just maybe—we can build a world that’s not just superficially tolerant, but truly accepting of all the wild, beautiful differences that make us human.
It’s time to embrace this challenge with open hearts and open minds. Let’s get radical in our pursuit of understanding and peace. The future is ours to shape, and it starts with a commitment to seeing each other—not as threats, but as opportunities for growth and connection.
Listen to our full conversation: