Finding Time for Connection in a Task Focused World

Why modern friendships feel challenging in a world focused on productivity, and how slowing down, embracing connection, and finding balance can make friendships easier.

Listening back to this podcast, I realise I didn’t know friendships were this weird now. I’ve always struggled to define friendship—people seem to have wildly different ideas about it. Sometimes it feels like people act like friends because they want something from you. But the fact that this is now some widespread issue? That’s news to me. It’s funny because the first thing that popped into my head when listening to it was dogs. You know, how dogs just greet each other like, "Hi, we're friends now!"? We don’t really do that.

But back to the podcast—what struck me most as I listened back to it is the idea that you don’t “make” friends. Friendships just happen. You can be friendly to everyone, sure. And that might lead to friendships. But intentionally searching for friends? I don’t think that’s what people with a lot of friends do. They’re just open, and friendships naturally follow.

Eastin mentioned how strange it feels when a stranger starts a long conversation, and yeah, I get that. My dad does it all the time—just strikes up these lengthy chats with random people. When I’m with him, I honestly stand to one side, a little awkward, but he does have a lot of friends, and I don’t. So maybe this is what being friendly actually looks like. You accept people as they come. If someone wants a long chat, why not just go with it? What’s stopping us?

Is it that we don’t want to make time for it? Are we just enjoying our own little bubble? Maybe. But if we want to be left alone, we can’t really complain about finding friendships difficult, right? You can’t have it both ways.

Then there’s the environment. Some towns, regions or countries are known for being friendly, and if you live there, you probably pick up on that vibe. But does that mean people like me, who prefer solitude, are contributing to creating an “unfriendly” environment? Possibly.

Eastin and I also talked about how, when we go out, it’s often with a specific purpose, and for me, part of that is finding some peace. So when someone starts a long conversation, it feels like an interruption. That’s the task-focused mindset Eastin mentioned. I totally get it—I can be task-oriented too. But sometimes, those long chats might actually be good for us. Maybe being yanked out of task-mode is exactly what we need.

We’re so driven by productivity in this “produce, produce, produce” society, that maybe we should thank the people who pull us into those relationship-focused moments. They help us step out, even if just for a bit. And those moments don’t actually slow us down as much as we think they do, anyway. They give us a chance to breathe, to rest. Our system doesn’t give us much room for this kind of nourishment, and with technology invading more and more of our time, those little moments are precious. We should embrace them whenever they come, whether it’s a chat with a stranger or just pausing to take in a beautiful view.

I also talked about how older generations used to say that doing nothing was important, but I realise now that there are some people from those same generations who now think we’re lazy. It’s all about perception again.

But back to friendship—Eastin mentioned how tough it is to balance friendships with all the tasks we have to do. She said she’s often forced to choose between spending time with her friends and finishing her tasks, which leaves her feeling guilty. That’s really sad. It makes friendships feel like one more thing to schedule, rather than just something that happens. And for the people who aren’t invited or can’t make it? It must be easy to feel left out or disconnected.

It’s such a shame that our way of life causes us to behave this way towards one another. 

I keep coming back to this idea of just hanging out with friends and doing nothing. Why does friendship have to be purposeful? Maybe the best definition of a friend is someone you’re comfortable doing nothing with. 

I was a little flippant when I said that I think everyone in the world could get along. But I do honestly stand by that. People from all walks of life can connect if they choose to. It’s not cultural differences or life experiences that keep us apart—it’s whether or not we want to get on. And maybe we’re the ones choosing not to. If we’re the type who craves peace and solitude, we have to accept that it comes with less connection.

In the podcast, I made the point that changing how we approach friendships and life can be like flipping a switch. We can choose to take time for ourselves. It’s simple. But simple doesn’t mean easy. It’s hard to maintain that balance of giving time to others and keeping time for yourself. It’s not about abandoning everything you do—it’s about protecting some time for yourself. That’s what’s important. 

Eastin also brought up cultures that put friendship first—where people stop for long conversations and let other things wait. That sounds appealing, but I thought of this doctor who treated my daughter. He would take long lunches with friends, while ten families, all waiting for cancer treatments, sat there. And that is too far.

There’s always a balance, and even in cultures that prioritise friendships, I don’t think they’d let it get in the way of something like doctoring. But it does make me wonder if we’ve created this unnatural sense of urgency in our lives. Maybe more things could wait. Not everything—definitely not something like cancer treatment—but a lot of other things could just take a little bit longer. I really wouldn’t notice if things were a little slower.

But I would have more time for myself.

Friendships are more complex than they first appear. We’re tangled up in task-oriented lives, short on time, and often far from the people we want to connect with. It’s no wonder friendship feels hard. But maybe, just maybe, if we slow down, let go of some urgency, and create space for those nourishing “nothing” moments, we can find room for connection. It’s not easy, but it’s worth trying. 

Watch our full conversation here: